婚姻幽默

"When a man steals your wife,there is no better revenge than to let him keep her."
如果有人搶了你的老婆，最好的報復就是讓他留著。

Lee Majors (美國電影明星---李.梅爾)

"After marriage,husband and wife become two sides of a coin;they just can't face each other,but still they stay"together.
結婚後夫妻就像一個硬幣的兩面；他們不但不能面對面，而且還分不開。

Al Gore (克林頓當總統時的副總統---阿爾戈爾)

"By all means marry.If you get a good wife,you'll be happy.If you get a bad one,you'll become a philosopher."
不管怎麼樣，還是結婚的好。如果你找到一個好太太，你會很幸福。假如你找到一個壞的，你會成為一個哲學家。

Socrates (古希臘的思想家、哲學家，教育家---蘇格拉底)

"Woman inspires us to great things,and prevents us from achieving them."
女人給了男人做大事的激勵和靈感，同時又給了男人完成大事的阻力。

Mike Tyson (前美國拳王---麥克.泰森)

"The great question...which I have not been able to answer...is,"What does a woman want?"
有一個好問題我總是沒答案；那就是"女人到底想要什麼？"
George Clooney (美國著名演員---喬治克魯尼)

"I had some words with my wife,and she had some paragraphs with me."
我跟我太太才說了幾個字，她卻回了我一段長篇大論。

Bill Clinton (美國前總統----比爾克林頓)

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage.We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week.A little candlelight,dinner,soft music and dancing.She goes Tuesdays,I go Fridays."
有人問我婚姻能維持這麼長的秘密。我們每個星期去餐館兩次。晚餐有燭光，音樂，和跳舞。她星期二去，我星期五去。

George W.Bush (美國前總統----小布希)

"I don't worry about terrorism.I was married for two years."
我不怕恐怖分子。我已經結婚兩年了。

Rudy Giuliani (前紐約市911事件時的市長---魯迪.朱利安尼)

"Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1.Whenever you're wrong,admit it,
2.Whenever you're right,shut up."
有兩個秘密能讓你的婚姻圓滿：
1.當你錯時，馬上認錯。

2.當你對時，閉上嘴巴。

Shaquille O'Neal (美國籃球巨星---沙奎爾.奧尼爾)

"The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once..."
最有效的方法記住你太太的生日就是先忘掉一次。

Kobe Bryant (美國籃球巨星----科比布萊恩特)

"My wife and I were happy for twenty years.Then we met."
我太太和我都高高興興的過了二十年，然後我們相遇了。

Alec Baldwin (美國電影明星----亞歷克鮑德溫)

"A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong."一個好太太當她是錯的時候總是原諒她的丈夫。

Barack Obama (美國總統----歐巴馬)

"Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy."
婚姻是唯一與敵人睡在一張床上的戰爭。

Tommy Lee (美國老牌電影明星----湯米.李)

"First Guy (proudly):"My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy:"You're lucky,mine's still alive."
有個人驕傲的說"我的太太是天使！"
另一個聽到的人說"你真幸運！我的還活著！"
Jimmy Kimmel (美國著名電視節目主持人----吉米.金米爾)

"Honey,what happened to 'ladies first'?</ FONT>"Husband replies,"That's the reason why the world's a mess today,because a lady went first!"
"親愛的，女士優先又怎麼了？"丈夫回答說，"今天世界亂成這個樣子就是因為有個女的先來了！"
David Letterman (美國電視著名脫口秀主持人----大衛.萊特曼)

SEND THIS TO FRIENDS TO GIVE THEM A GOOD LAUGH......AND TO THOSE LADIES WITH A SENSE OF HUMOUR WHO CAN HANDLE IT!!!!!!!
請轉送給你的朋友，以及那些有幽默感的女士，讓他們開懷一笑!!!